Item: Animated Hearts Proximity Tees
Source: Signals
The Pitch: Buy one for you, one for your sweetheart, then enjoy the magic. When you’re apart, only 2 1/2 hearts glow. Get within hugging distance and all 6 hearts light up. Perfect Valentine’s gifts, black 100% cotton shirts are fun to wear year-round. (Note: You must have at least two shirts or one shirt and transmitter pack for all hearts to light up.)

For $72.94 you and your significant other can publicly demonstrate not only that you’re ridiculously uncool, but that you don’t know how to manage money. I’m also skeptical of the implication in the sales video that a girl wearing one of these things would find herself with not one but two suitors. Because I’m guessing that these are sold almost exclusively to people who are ordering one of the shirts for themselves and eight others for their cats, Mr. Jinkles, Snowball, Snowball II, Lady Puffypaws, Brittney, Bootsie Collins, Q-Bert and Dumbledore.