‘Tis the season for scads of party pictures and if I see one more lovely lass holding her drink — be it champagne flute or Solo cup — in front of her like she’s 17 and rocking a taboo bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, I’m going to scream. You put all that energy into your ensemble, your hair, your spray tan, and then you ruin it by holding out a plastic cup as if its sweaty, napkin-wrapped confines and dangling straw hold the very essence of your fabulosity.

Exhibits A and B:

“Look at me! I’m at a party and having a fabulous time because I’m holding alcohol! In a cup, no less! I’m 29 but I’m still excited about the fact that I can drink in public without being grounded!” And in a worst-case scenario it appears as if you are holding your own specimen:

Please ladies (and gent above), if approached by a camera while holding a drink, set it down, drop it low or at least hold it in a way that doesn’t indicate you’re super-stoked to be photographed because ZOMG you’re holding a melontini!

Lest you think I’m all holier-than-thou, I’ve done it too. At my own goddang wedding. (Although in my defense, it looks like I was trying to hide it behind my hotel room key. That might be a draw though.)

Unless you’re Duffman, your beverage is not an accessory worth flaunting.

Recipients of the You’re Doing it Right Award:

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